Married to an Author #Humor

If you think about it, being married to a writer is the same as being married to a mental patient. I’m OCD, have a coffee addiction, maladaptive, delusional, and talk to imaginary people.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder–OCD

Mr. Snark: “You’re OCD. You have to type two thousand words a day. You’re up typing late at night and here it’s the first thing in the morning and you’re typing again.

Me: “It’s actually a thousand words. And I only wrote 950 words yesterday!”

Short Pause.

Me: “Of course, that’s because I was writing until midnight and I missed my goal for the day. I only came to bed after the clock chimed midnight.”

 

Coffee Addition

The above conversation happened over the coffee machine which is the Snark household equivalent to the office water cooler. I was working on this blog post, trying to be funny and found myself typing an entire paragraph about how I really needed a pot of coffee.

 

Maladaptive

A maladaptation is a trait that is (or has become) more harmful than helpful.  ~Wikipedia

Like a Dodo bird, I’m perfectly adapted to my environment and my routine. When I’m comfortable and unstressed, I’m productive. When I’m productive, thousand-word daily goals get met, housework gets done, and children receive regular meals and clean laundry. However, take me out off my tiny isle of predictability and… Hoo-boy. Watch out.

 

Delusional

I’m uncertain but I always envision “normal” couples engaging in conversations about real world people and events. Many of my dialogues with Mr. Snark revolve around occurrences of utmost concern that are happening only in my imagination.

Recently, I lured my husband into a bubble bath so I could ambush him with the thing troubling me. (A naked man covered in bubbles really has nowhere to escape.)

“Honey…”

“Yes?”

“What do you think would happen if you killed the future incarnation of Fate?”

(I won’t mention his expression.)  “A whole lot of Groundhog Days.”

“Hmmm…”

 

Talk to Imaginary People

I like to ambush Mr. Snark when he’s asleep also. The best time is usually as I slide into bed late because I’ve been up trying to satisfy my OCD.

Mr. Snark: Snore.

(I lean in close and hug him so he thinks I want to cuddle. His male brain knows there’s a chance he might get lucky so he’s always agreeable.)

Me: “I’ve been working on my new prologue but Loki doesn’t want to cooperate. He says the point of view should be Odin’s but witnessed through Loki’s eyes.

Mr. Snark, grumbling: “Why can’t you just go back to working on Viking Love Slave?”

7 thoughts on “Married to an Author #Humor

  1. LOL! Good tips! I’ll have to try them.

  2. vicki batman

    OMG, imprisoned in a bubble bath. However, your hubby seems to listen when you talk books. Mine rolls his eyes.

  3. Farah Evers

    LOL yup. I can relate.

  4. Too funny!

  5. And you didn’t even mention how unfit to live with/depressed a writer who’s received a rejection can be. Yeah, I’m sure I’m charming at times.

  6. Yup… I can so much relate….

  7. I’d love to be a fly on your wall for a day!

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